So my fairy story hit a bump and the forever-after began to look like a pipe dream and I felt confused. Something seemed to have changed in my marriage and I was ill at ease….you know that hunch you have that something is not quite right but you cannot isolate what is wrong….you wonder whether it is a figment of your imagination but the feeling doesn’t go away. In trying to help save my marriage I followed these steps.

1. I conceded that something was wrong. My efforts to help save my marriage called for me to be frank with myself and to examine if my outlook really were based on truth or on fear born from my own personal lack of self-confidence. I discovered that burying my head in the proverbial sand did not work as I just got increasingly apprehensive. For the sake of my own sanity I finally had to tackle the problem straight on.

2. I looked for changes in him. Saving my marriage demanded that I closely watch my man and way of life to see if there were any subtle changes. I looked at his mien including his appearance, conduct and disposition; and his relationship with me. His look and smell was unchanged, he had the same clothes sense and he still had his old cologne. His conduct was unchanged as he was still the amicable person that I knew. But his temperament had been altered and he looked oddly cheerful. In addition he seemed more thoughtful and he was more caring in terms of gifts that he bought me but there was something off with our emotionally connection.

3. I traced the changes. I realized that all that I had observed could be as a result of pressure from work, home or from his other relationships. So in saving my marriage I arranged to accidentally meet and informally chat to his work mates and his friends and scrutinized their attitude toward me keenly to see if it had changed delicately. And I perceived something strange. Some of his close associates seemed uncomfortable with me… nothing overt, again just a feeling that all was not well. So I resolved to up the game and visit him at his office to see how his other associates would react to me. I was now feeling very fearful and unsure of myself but I considered it vital to know. I noticed some of his work mates giving me peculiar looks (or were they feeling sorry for me); that unnerved me.

4. I faced him. Yes I realize that I didn’t have enough to go on but in my efforts to help save my marriage I recognized that the suspense was giving me an ulcer. So I gritted my teeth and persisted in treating him well and bid my time until an opportune day when he was in a mellow mood and just sat with him and encouraged him to talk to me. I did not badger him; I just kept listening to him without saying much; I listened to him for a number of days….and he eventually bared his soul….he was having an affair with a new girl in the office. Of course she meant nothing to him….you must have heard the story….she came on to me etc….. I am fighting the almost uncontrollable desire to clobber him to death for his incredible stupidity.

What should I do now in my efforts to help save my marriage? Can I continue to live with a man with the capacity for such folly? Is this marriage salvageable???

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